ARGH!

I had what I hoped would be my final blood draw today to let me know that AF would be rearing her usually ugly but this time welcomed head. I was hoping beyond hope that I would finally be below 5...nope...10.8...ARGH! So another blood draw next Friday. That better be it. I want to move on with our first IVF cycle and we can't do that until AF comes. We did, however, sign all of our consent forms for IVF. That felt good. I feel like at least I was able to do something during this horrid waiting game. I don't want to wish my summer away but I want to get this process started. Have I mentioned Im not the most patient person in the world...

TTFN,

Melissa

They're ba-ack!

Those nasty, jealous feelings. Last year I got to deal with a teammate who got pregnant on purpose to try to make her boyfriend of 8 years propose. So mature, I know. While she will never admit to the "on purpose" part of the whole thing, everyone in the world knows it to be true. BF stayed but did not propose. He's been a great support and new dad, she is one lucky sh**. That was a very difficult school year to watch her belly grow and hear how she didn't even know until she was 5 months, whatever. All the baby talk made us want to run the other way. Especially since two of us are going through infertility. Yes, two teachers in first grade at the same school are going through IF. Craziness. Anyway, yesterday my good friend and teammate came to visit me. She called out of the blue and said she'd be in my town for bloodwork and wanted to know if she could stop by. I didn't think much of it because this is not completely out of the ordinary. After hanging out and joking around for about 2 hours, she proceeded to tell me that she's 5 weeks pregnant. She's about to be 37 and has been with her boyfriend for about a year. They've talked marriage but not for another year or so. She told him to not propose just because of the baby. She is completely conflicted. She's shocked, scared, nervous and completely anxious. She knows that she's getting older and time is running out so on one hand she's looking at this as a blessing but on the other hand this was not in her plan and she's a planner! While I do feel for her and the feelings towards her are completely different than my immature teammate's pregnancy, I am still jealous and quite upset. She did apologize to me because she knew how it would make me feel. Hey, it's not her fault I'm going through his, right. But still, those feelings are there. I'm just so tired of having to do what us IF's have to go through to get and stay pregnant and have all of these "accidents" happening around me. UGH! I'm feeling sorry for myself today!

Changing my current hat...

I have been wearing the hat of an infertile lady as well as a loss lady this summer. Today I am taking off those hats and putting on my appalled teacher hat for the day. We received our schedule for the upcoming school year and it is going to be awful for the kids. They will have reading at the end of the day and at the age of 6, this is normally the time they are ready to go home! They also gave us no transition times. Apparently we can end math at 10:35 but also be half way across the school at the same exact time to begin our specials (Art, Music, PE) at 10:35. Also, it is also thought that we can pick them up from recess and begin reading at the exact same time. I guess we can learn a lot from Star Trek and just beam into the building so it doesn't take us the typical 5 minutes to get back into the building. The last irrational thought from our fearless leaders is that we can end reading at 3:20 while simultaneously being dismissed at 3:20. Since some of our kids go to a different reading class, this should be easy...not! I know that nobody gets their ideal schedule but OMG! Ours couldn't be any worse. Couple this with an early school year first IVF cycle and hopefully a pregnancy I should be a big ball of stress. Hopefully, I can just leave it all at the school and not bring it home. We'll see!

TTFN,

Melissa

Coming in for a landing...

I hate the waiting game. Waiting for the BFP, waiting for that first set of beta numbers, waiting for the second round of beta numbers to see if they double, waiting to see if the numbers mean it's ectopic or just a slow rising hcg, waiting for the first ultrasound, waiting for the first methotrexate shot, waiting for the numbers to start to go down, waiting to technically be "not pregnant" anymore, waiting to start that first period, waiting for the next step in the whole dang process. We are currently in the "waiting to technically be "not pregnant" stage. I don't like this stage. It's like a holding pattern circling the airport, there's not much you can do until you receive clearance from the tower. My next round of bloodwork is scheduled for this Friday. Hopefully I will be below 5 and not something ridiculous like 7. I'm tired of being a pin cushion. I'll do enough of that with the first IVF cycle. Anyway, I'm ready to move on. Now I'm just waiting for clearance to do so.

TTFN,

Melissa

I'm getting there!

Well my latest hcg number is 25.7. This means we are that much closer to beginning our IVF protocol. I confirmed with our nurse that I only had to be 2 1/2-3 months after my methotrexate shot to begin the stims not the lupron. So as soon as I get my first AF, most likely we'll start the protocal. Yeah! This means probably a September ER and ET. Just in time for the first few weeks of school.

TTFN!

Melissa

I've decided to take up swimming again to get into baby-making IVF shape. We've got about another month or so before we can begin our first cycle. It's been years since I've done laps so I'm not expecting much in the beginning. I guess my hope is to not drown. My hubby and I joined an aquatic center and went last night for the first time. It felt great. I don't know why I ever stopped. I figure I should make the most of our waiting game and what better than to shed some pounds and inches and get into fighting shape. Or at least do the best I can in the next month or so.

As far as the pregnancy goes, I have another round of bloodwork to see how far down the hcg has gone. I was at 46 on Monday so I'm hoping for another good drop so AF can come on down. The sooner we can start this whole procedure, the better. I am not looking forward to doing this at the beginning of the school year but it is what it is and I have been told it will be well worth it in the end. I am almost positive it will be.

TTFN,

Melissa

Hello to the blog world. This is my first official blog in the blogosphere. I have been reading other blogs from women in the IF club like me. I always think, "I should start to blog about my experiences as a way to keep my sanity through all of this. Since this is my first post, I thought I'd give a brief background on the life of me and what prompted this introduction to my new world of blogging.

My husband and I were married on July 28, 2001. We began ttc in April '04 and became pregnant that first month. We miscaarried in May at 5/6 weeks. We took some time off from officially ttc and began actively ttc again in July '05 and became pregnant the 2nd month only to have it end at 6 weeks as an ectopic. I received a methotrexate shot and was able to avoid a D & C. It took until Thanksgiving to be completely resolved so I needed a mental break, thinking we had plenty of time. We started to ttc again, not faithfully, in April '06 with no luck for about a year. We didn't think anything of it because we weren't "actively" trying...just not preventing. In June of '07 my husband, Jamie, was diagnosed, out of the blue, with Type 1 Diabetes. We decided to take a ttc break until we got all of his insulin and stuff figured out. Then, in September, just 3 months later, he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He had it removed in January '08 and had radiation in March '08. Due to the radiation we went on a forced ttc break until July '08. We tried for 6 months with no luck. This time I was on a rampage with the OPK's and making sure our timing was right. Nothing. Nada. My OB said at my age, 6 months and nothing means testing time. So, we did. Jamie had a low count with not great morphology. OB suggested to go off Soy, which he had been drinking because it's lower in sugar. He did and a month later his numbers were awesome. I checked out except for my FSH level was too high. He didn't give us much of a chance but sent us to Shady Grove Fertility anyway. We got a wonderful FS and nurse. He didn't seem to think my FSH would be much of a problem so we did our first IUI on 5/15/09 with a BFP only to find out it was another ectopic...sucky!

Next chapter: The day I found out I was pregnant, I fell in my classroom and broke my ankle, or so they thought...no x-rays. Once they could do them, they determined it was a severe sprain with ligament damage. In the meanwhile, they discovered a blood clot most likely brought on by the trauma to the ankle, tight cast and hormones I was on. So I was put on an injectable blood thinner safe for pregnancy. I was recently moved to Coumadin until the middle of August. At that point, hopefully my numbers will be below 5 and we can begin the first phase of our IVF cycle. My FS wants me to go back on the injectable blood thinner, Lovenox, throughout the cycle and until I'm 13 weeks pregnant, if we are successful. GRRR! It is not a fun injectable...not that any of them are but they leave hideous bruises and hematomas.

So, that is where I am at right now. We are playing a waiting game. We need to be 2-3 months out from my last methotrexate shot which was June 17 so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the end of August.

I guess that's a lot to digest for my first post. Sorry! I promise to make it less intense in future posts.

TTFN,

Melissa