Saturday, August 15, 2009


Well, I m back from my wonderfully relaxing time in the Poconos. However, my every bathroom break was accompanied by the tp search. I'm sure you all know the that?! While I am searching though, I realize that this search is in hopes of finding something, not the post-BFP searching and hoping to not see something. Wow, IF really messes with the brain! It makes me so angry to read all of my blog friends who have become pregnant not being able to truly enjoy the bliss because of IF. I remember that bliss. I had it once. My first pregnancy I was blissfully unaware of the fact that something could go wrong for no reason whatsoever. Even at the first sight of spotting, I was thoroughly convinced to not give it another thought because it was perfectly normal to have implantation bleeding. Even my second pregnancy, I wasn't too concerned knowing that (OMG!) one-third of all first pg's end in m/c. Surely I was one of those. No bleeding...great! No doubling...sucky! So, with this third one, as soon as I got the BFP and it was confirmed with the beta the next day, I couldn't be completely happy. I was just waiting for that shoe to drop. And boy, did it drop...THUD! Now, I am watching and examining the tp each bathroom trip so that I know exactly when CD1 is and I can call the clinic to get this next cycle under way! Although, I believe I will be starting a new support group if it is a success...TPWA...or Toilet Paper Watcher's Anonymous!


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