Thursday, August 20, 2009

Let's Get it Started...Or So I Thought!

Well, I was so excited that AF graced me with her presence and that meant beginning our first IVF cycle. Or so I thought!I called and got my protocol, had my 3-day BW, scheduled my mock transfer for tomorrow and my hsg for Monday. I dropped off my prescriptions and was patiently waiting for CD10 to start OPK. Or so I thought. I went today for a routine follow-up for the blood clot that I developed after my sprained ankle. I had the u/s 2 weeks ago and saw the dr. today. The clot got even smaller and there is now blood flow in that last vessel. Yay! Or so I thought. The dr. asked about the coumadin and if I was having any side effects from it. I told him no but that I was starting an IVF cycle so my RE wants me to go back on Lovenox instead if coumadin. He shook is hid and looked at me with puzzled eyes. He said, "Melissa, you cannot do an IVF cycle right now. Not while you still have the clot. Give it another 3 months." WTF? Are you kidding me? I tried to stop it. I really did. But, I just couldn't. I broke down like a blubbering idiot. I felt like a complete imbecile. My dr. had a dr. that was joining his practice in the room as well as the nurse. So there I am trying to ask and answer questions and I literally couldn't catch my breath. I sounded like a child having a tantrum not able to speak a complete sentence because I was crying so much. He said it's only 3 months. That's not very long. I said, "It is when you've waited for 7 years." I'm going to be 38 on Saturday and that number sounded bad enough to me to have a baby but now, I'll be 39 if the IVF is successful when I would actually give birth. I think it hit me that hard because it was completely unexpected. They left after telling me to take a moment. I immediately called dh who tried to calm me down. I had to go straight to a hair cut appt. I told them all that I had a severe allergy attack in order to explain my exceptionally red, puffy eyes and stuffy nose. What a mess. So I get in there and am ready to just forget it for an hour. Or so I thought. A lady came in and sat in the chair next to me. A full-figured women so I didn't take notice immediately. Then I heard, "I'm pregnant and it's twins." I wanted so badly to run out of there crying with wet, half-cut hair. But I did not. Luckily she went to have her hair washed and I was done by the time she came back. Ugh! Now, we have some decision to make. We had already been in communication with an adoption agency and have all the paperwork. The agency does not allow clients to go through infertility while being in the waiting family list. So, we put the paperwork in a desk and let it sit. Now, I am thinking that it might be worth starting the process since I can complete paper work while having a blood clot. I have so many emotions right now and I am having trouble working through them. Please pray for me and my thoughts.

ttfn,
Melissa

7 comments:

  1. Oh crap. :( I'm so sorry. None of this is fair at all. Please know that you're definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry it's been such a difficult day.

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  2. I am so, so sorry. I wish I had better words to give you. It seems to me that there is always a fresh layer of hell to peel through with IF. I'm sorry you got this news. I'll pray that your path becomes clear and easy to walk.

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  3. Ugh - there are no words. I hope that whichever path you choose you find peace and an end to your IF journey. Praying for you!

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  4. Hi Melissa, I wanted to thank you for your comment on my blog. I feel I need to talk to people who have gone through the same thing...if you feel like emailing me I'd appreciate so much, but no problem if you don't want to re-live the ordeal of the two ectopic. Love, Fran

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  5. I'm so sorry. I know that 3 months can seem like 3 years. The doctors always say it is ONLY 3 months. UGH! That is beyond frustrating.

    My only hope is that the time passes by quickly.

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  6. Long time no posting, i hope everything is ok! I've left you an award on my blog for when you have the time, hugs, Fran

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  7. Hello!

    My name is Elisabeth, and I am an infertility / repeated pregnancy loss "veteran". You can read a little bit about me and my experiences in my blog: drhousewife.blogspot.com . I am completing a PhD in Counseling Psychology, and my dissertation is focused upon the impact of infertility on marriage. I believe strongly that there is a need for better support services for men and women who are undergoing IF diagnosis and treatment, and my hope is that this study will aid in the development of such services.

    I am contacting you after stumbling across your blog. I am recruiting participants for my study, and wanted to invite you and your husband to take part. All that would be involved would be the completion of an online survey, that would take approximately 20 minutes. All couples who complete the surveys will receive a voucher good for a pair of free movie tickets at a Regal Cinemas.

    Please let me know if you are interested by emailing me at UTInfertilityResearch@gmail.com . I have included the criteria for participation below.

    Best of luck to you!
    Elisabeth

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